The life of a missionary is crazy. We turn our back on expectations of the world and look into the eyes of Jesus, asking Him what to do. I'm not the first to do it and I know I'm not alone, but it is quite a crazy way of living.
Last year, while I served as a Focus Missionary at Drake University, I looked into Jesus' eyes and knew He was calling me to serve Him more radically. I yearned to live a more simple lifestyle, to engage in another culture and to grow in trust of Him. At the initial call, my heart soared. I imagined the joy that I have always experienced on my short term mission trips and multiplied it. All I could imagine were the joys and graces that accompany such a call.
For months I researched volunteer programs that matched up with my desires. I eventually found the Salesians--a world-wide religious order dedicated to empowering youth and women. One of their volunteer programs- VIDES- aligned with my inner call to serve Christ internationally, so I began the application immediately. I call this my honeymoon period of discernment.
After I applied in March, I waited, knowing that more information wouldn't be along until closer to December. The summer and fall followed and life went on. I helped my sister Colleen get married and move, moved in with my other sister Sara, got a job as a hostess, went to World Youth Day and Rome, visited friends and much more.
Throughout this, my upcoming mission was always in the back of my mind. It loomed like a mountain before me and the closer I got to it, the more intimidating it appeared. I'll be the first to admit it: doubt is real and tempting. It said my decision to serve abroad was ridiculous, that I had nothing to offer and that it would mess up 'my future.' It was the voice of the Lord of Darkness, but it was quite convincing.
On December 9th, I was accepted to serve in with the Salesian Sisters in Nairobi, Kenya. The mountain before me dramatically increased, casting a vast shadow over me. I felt small and unworthy, while also very excited to undergo the adventure. Along every step of the way, I have tangibly felt the support of the wonderful people in my life. This gives me courage and helps me continue walking toward the mountain. Now, I have begun to feel comforted by the shadow of the mountain, knowing that the Hand of God is forever guiding me.
Thank you all for your prayers and support!!
Cannot wait to journey with you on this incredible adventure through your blog (and hopefully a visit to Nairobi!!!) Your openness to the will of God in your life is an inspiration to so many, even those who question it, who worry for you...in the back of everyone's mind is a niggling that says, "God wants that from you too." Not that everyone is called to be a missionary or travel the world, but everyone is called to live radically for the Lord in their own vocation. And the truth is, most of us aren't doing a very good job of listening for God's will, let alone heeding His call. It's a very scary realization, and I'm so proud of you for walking steadily toward the looming mountain! We are praying for you!
ReplyDelete